Oh Yeah

I realized that I haven't written about my thoughts on my birth choice. I know I'll forget how I felt so I better type it now.

So, I pretty much decided that I wanted a home birth after watching The Business of Being Born. I had always figured I'd get the epidural in the hospital. That's what everyone does, right? But then my mind wouldn't shut off. I didn't like how birth had become so medicalized. I didn't like how so many people I knew were having C-Sections. Weren't women created to give birth? Weren't women's bodies made equipped to handle it? I started to feel like God didn't create birth to be this way--like a medical problem. I didn't like how it seemed that every woman had a baby in distress during birth. Women have babies that are too big. Women won't progress. It seems that nowadays, something goes wrong in birth. It's to be expected.

Interventions. In my opinion, the reason for most C-Sections. I decided that I wanted to avoid these interventions. Pitocin, epidural, C-Section, baby. That's how birth goes these days. So I decided I was giving birth at home. It became a challenge to myself. I don't have a high pain threshold. In fact, I'm quite the wimp. I'm a complainer. If something hurts, you'll know about it.

If I could make it through child birth, medication free, I thought I would feel empowered. Like I conquered a huge mountain. I'd feel proud of myself. I could join the ranks of millions of women who had done this before me. Strangely, I feel none of this. People always say you don't get an award for having an unmedicated child birth. Which is true. But I thought I'd have this trophy sitting on a shelf in my brain. I don't. It feels like I did the same thing millions of other women did--because I did.

I am proud of myself that I did it. It seems like I surprised most people I know. Most have made comments that I'm not sure how to take but whatever. I can say that the only reason I did it was because I was at home and had no other option. Had I been in the hospital, depending on how strong David was, I would have most likely taken the epidural in a moment of weakness. When I was laboring at home alone, my mind wandered alot. I told myself an epidural would be okay. Even if it led to a C-Section. I could handle the recovery. At that point I knew I had to quit thinking that way. So, I prayed.

I've often wondered if the Hypnobabies was worth the time (that I didn't really put into it) and the money. I have decided that yes it was. The closer I got to giving birth the more freaked out I got about having to do it. So I listened to the pregnancy affirmation CD each day. The positive thoughts helped me ALOT! The birthing day affirmations helped me when I was in transition too. Those CD's alone were worth it to me. I think because of those CD's, I was able to stay calm the whole time. Which really amazes me. I tend to have a lot of anxiety and the whole time I was home laboring, I had no anxiety. I literally had no stress or worry. That in itself is amazing.

At one point I did start to feel sorry for myself that I was alone but it was short lived. Then I became happy that I was alone because I could be noisy and do what I wanted without feeling self conscious. I was a little annoyed when David got home because I had called him when he got off work at 2:30 to tell him the midwife was on her way. I asked him where he was and he was taking a co-worker home. This did not make me happy. When he got home I said "next time your wife is in labor at home, don't give anyone rides home!" Now, to his credit, he didn't know that I was actually in labor so I got over it really quick.

So, the hardest part for me was the pushing part. It hurt like a mofo :0). Do I want to do it again? Not any time soon. Am I glad I did it? Yes. Did I like giving birth in the water? Yes!

My homebirth experience was amazing. It was so peaceful and wonderful. I was in the comfort of my own home. I had my baby and went and got in my bed. Not a hospital bed in a hospital gown but in my own room. I had complete trust in God, my body and my midwife. It truly was an awesome thing.

And I have to say that I completely believe that a person's ability to go unmedicated is all mental. If you go into it thinking you "might" get an epidural if needed, you will. Every story I've heard of women going unmedicated, it was some horrible experience. I believe it's because in the majority of the stories told to me, the epidural was wanted and for some reason, they were unable to get it. Mental, people. It's all mental.

The end.