"There are 2 places in your heart. The Appreciation Room and the Depreciation Room. On the walls of the Appreciation Room are kind words and phrases describing the good attributes of your mate. Like, "honest," "intelligent," "diligent" etc.
Most things written in the Appreciation Room were likely written in the initial stages of your relationship. You spent a great deal of time dwelling on them in this room...before you were married. But you may have found that you don't visit this special room as often as you once did. That's because there is another competing room nearby.
On the walls of the Depreciation Room are written the things that bother and irritate you about your spouse. The things were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings, and the disappointment of unmet expectations.
Spending time in this room kills marriages.
You may say, "But these things are true!" Yes, but so are the things in the Appreciation Room.
Everyone fails and has areas that need growth. Everyone has unresolved issues, hurts, and personal baggage. This is a sad aspect of being human. We have all sinned. But we have this unfortunate tendency to downplay our own negative attributes while putting our partner's failures under a magnifying glass.
Love knows about the Depreciation Room and does not live in denial that it exists.
But love chooses not to live there. You must decide to stop running there and lingering after every frustrating event in your relationship.
Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill in the unknowns with negative assumptions. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible love focuses on the positive.
The only reason you should glance in the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your spouse.
You must develop the habit of reining in your negative thoughts and focusing on the positive attributes of your mate. This is a crucial step as you learn to lead your heart to truly love your spouse. It is a decision that you make, whether they deserve it or not.
Today's Dare: Get 2 sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. at some point during the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Monday, August 24, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Day 5--Love is Not Rude
"Genuine love minds its manners. Embracing this one concept could add some fresh air to your marriage. Good manners express to your wife or husband, "I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who's a pleasure to be with." When you allow love to change your behavior--even in the smallest of ways--you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them.
Test yourself with these questions:
Do you wish your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?
Here are some guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette:
Test yourself with these questions:
- How your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?
- How does your behavior affect your mate's sense of worth and self-esteem?
- Would your husband or wife say you're a blessing, or that you're condescending and embarrassing?
Do you wish your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?
Here are some guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette:
- Guard the Golden Rule
- No double standards
- Honor requests
Today's dare: Ask your spouse to tell you 3 things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only." --The Love Dare
Friday, August 21, 2009
Day 4--Love is Thoughtful
"Love thinks...it keeps busy in thought knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.
For most couples, things begin to change after marriage. The wife finally has her man; the husband his trophy. The hunt is over and the pursuing done. Sparks of romance slowly burn into grey embers, and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself. After a while, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate.
If you don't learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.
Love requires thoughtfulness--on both sides--the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness and selflessness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse uniquely thinks.
When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse? What immediate need can you meet? What's the next event (anniversary, birthday, holiday) you could be preparing for? Great marriages come from great thinking."--The Love Dare
Today's Dare: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you can do for them.
For most couples, things begin to change after marriage. The wife finally has her man; the husband his trophy. The hunt is over and the pursuing done. Sparks of romance slowly burn into grey embers, and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself. After a while, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate.
If you don't learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.
Love requires thoughtfulness--on both sides--the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness and selflessness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse uniquely thinks.
When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse? What immediate need can you meet? What's the next event (anniversary, birthday, holiday) you could be preparing for? Great marriages come from great thinking."--The Love Dare
Today's Dare: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you can do for them.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Day 3--Love is Not Selfish
"If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it's selfishness. Unfortunately it's something that is ingrained into every person from birth. Almost every sinful action can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves.
When a husband puts his interests, desires and priorities in front of his wife, that's selfishness. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that's a sign of selfishness. But love "does not seek it's own" (1 Cor 13:5)
Loving couples--the ones who are enjoying the full purpose of marriage--are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with. That's because true love looks for ways to say "yes".
Love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others. You can't be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time. Choosing to love your mate will cause you to say "no" to what you want so you can say "yes" to what they need.
Love also leads to inner joy. When you prioritize the well-being of your mate, there is a resulting fulfillment that cannot be duplicated by selfish actions.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves--Philippians 2:3"
Today's Dare: Whatever you put your time, energy , and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today".
--if buying something is not feasible right now, you can always save this for a time when you can do it.
When a husband puts his interests, desires and priorities in front of his wife, that's selfishness. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that's a sign of selfishness. But love "does not seek it's own" (1 Cor 13:5)
Loving couples--the ones who are enjoying the full purpose of marriage--are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with. That's because true love looks for ways to say "yes".
Love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others. You can't be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time. Choosing to love your mate will cause you to say "no" to what you want so you can say "yes" to what they need.
Love also leads to inner joy. When you prioritize the well-being of your mate, there is a resulting fulfillment that cannot be duplicated by selfish actions.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves--Philippians 2:3"
Today's Dare: Whatever you put your time, energy , and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today".
--if buying something is not feasible right now, you can always save this for a time when you can do it.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Day 2--Love is Kind
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you--Ephesians 4:32
"Kindness is love in action. If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance. Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing."
"Kindess breaks down into four categories:
1. Gentleness--When you're operating from kindness, you're careful how you treat your spouse, never being unnecessarily harsh. You're sensitive. Tender. You'll bend over backwards to to make the hard things easier to hear.
2. Helpfulness--Being kind means you meet the needs of the moment. If it's housework, you get busy. Kindness graces a wife with the ability to serve her husband without worrying about her rights. Kindness makes a husband curious to discover what his wife needs, then motivates him to be the one who steps up and ensures those needs are met- even if his are put on hold.
3. Willingness--Kindness inspires you to be agreeable. Instead of being obstinate, reluctant or stubborn, you cooperate, you stay flexible. You look for reasons to compromise and accomodate.
4. Initiative--Kindess thinks ahead, then takes the first step. The kind husband or wife will be the one who greets first, smiles first, serves first and forgives first. They don't require the other to get his or her act together before showing love. When acting from kindness you see the need, then make your move. First."
"It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness."
Today's dare: Along with saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindess.
"Kindness is love in action. If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance. Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing."
"Kindess breaks down into four categories:
1. Gentleness--When you're operating from kindness, you're careful how you treat your spouse, never being unnecessarily harsh. You're sensitive. Tender. You'll bend over backwards to to make the hard things easier to hear.
2. Helpfulness--Being kind means you meet the needs of the moment. If it's housework, you get busy. Kindness graces a wife with the ability to serve her husband without worrying about her rights. Kindness makes a husband curious to discover what his wife needs, then motivates him to be the one who steps up and ensures those needs are met- even if his are put on hold.
3. Willingness--Kindness inspires you to be agreeable. Instead of being obstinate, reluctant or stubborn, you cooperate, you stay flexible. You look for reasons to compromise and accomodate.
4. Initiative--Kindess thinks ahead, then takes the first step. The kind husband or wife will be the one who greets first, smiles first, serves first and forgives first. They don't require the other to get his or her act together before showing love. When acting from kindness you see the need, then make your move. First."
"It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness."
Today's dare: Along with saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindess.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Love Dare
Amy sent David and me the movie Fireproof and the book that goes along with it: The Love Dare.
So, for the next 40 days I will be learning to understand and practice unconditional love. Here is today's challenge: love is patient.
1 Thessalonians 5:15 Seek that no one repays another evil with evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another.
"Patience is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing you emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil" --The Love Dare
Instead of anger being our default emotion, let's practice patience. Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm. Can our spouses count on us to be patient and not quick to judgment or anger?
Activity for today: Practice patience toward your spouse and say nothing negative to your spouse today. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything.
So, for the next 40 days I will be learning to understand and practice unconditional love. Here is today's challenge: love is patient.
1 Thessalonians 5:15 Seek that no one repays another evil with evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another.
"Patience is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing you emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil" --The Love Dare
Instead of anger being our default emotion, let's practice patience. Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm. Can our spouses count on us to be patient and not quick to judgment or anger?
Activity for today: Practice patience toward your spouse and say nothing negative to your spouse today. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Love
Have I ever mentioned that I love my husband? I haven't been doing much lately. I'm not working, I have no phone or car so I'm at my dad's. All. Day. Long. And all through out these last days, I've been missing David. He has been working so hard on fixing up our house (although I'm a little jealous my house didn't look so good while I was living in it!) and I am so thankful that I have a husband who works so hard and who is handy...saves me lots of money!
He's been roofing and completely redoing the shower in the master bath. I love my husband. I love that he works hard. I love that he loves me and even more, I love that he lets me know he loves me. We're going on our 4th year this month and our marriage has been nothing short of amazing. He is my best friend. I think he is the most wonderful person I know and I cherish our time together! I LOVE him! He's so full of fun and dreams, I love it!
I just wanted people to know that I love my husband today...every day. I am so truly blessed that I married him and settled for no one else! It makes me smile to think that our marriage is truly so good. I'm thankful that there are no false fronts here, we really and truly are happy!
He's been roofing and completely redoing the shower in the master bath. I love my husband. I love that he works hard. I love that he loves me and even more, I love that he lets me know he loves me. We're going on our 4th year this month and our marriage has been nothing short of amazing. He is my best friend. I think he is the most wonderful person I know and I cherish our time together! I LOVE him! He's so full of fun and dreams, I love it!
I just wanted people to know that I love my husband today...every day. I am so truly blessed that I married him and settled for no one else! It makes me smile to think that our marriage is truly so good. I'm thankful that there are no false fronts here, we really and truly are happy!
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